Jerkies
by agirlsufferingwritersblock
Summary: The Sand Siblings encounter a zombie in their home. The usual. I thought that this was appropriate for Halloween! :D Somewhat a crackfic***


**Disclaimer: **I _DO _own Naruto. Watch, nothing's going to happen. I keed, I don't own anything blah blah blah I'm not making profit out of this yada yada yada.

**Warnings: **A few cursing here and there. Mentions of porn~ BUT NOTHING EXPLICIT!

**Summary: **Oh, just the Sand Siblings encountering a zombie in their home. The usual.

**Notes: **It's been almost 2 and a half years since I've stopped watching Naruto. Or anime in general, in fact. So0o0 I don't… really know if I'm going to do something wrong here. **Also, keep in mind that they don't have their ninja weapons and sand and junk.** anyway onto the storeh!11!

P.S.

_**This is probably considered a crackfic**_**. **I'm not entirely sure since my original Jerkies story was a crackfic (it's not on my profile anymore btw), but let's see how this one will turn out to be!

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><p>Gaara abruptly twisted his arms to his right, swerving his car out of the way in a video game. Specifically Grand Theft Auto. His face scrunched in concentration, then a loud <em>bang <em>was heard.

Gaara jumped off of the sofa throwing his game controller in the air. "What the actual FUCK?" he shouted. Temari rushed in the living room.

"What? What's going on?"

"Oh, I don't know, Temari. See, a lovely visitor just happened to burst through the door for a freakin' cup of tea!"

Gaara backed a few feet away cautiously, staring at the intruder. Temari was glued to her spot, staring unblinkingly.

The intruder was about ten feet tall, skin that looked like wrinkled rubbery plastic and had patches of dirty hair on its head. Dried blood was splattered all over its arms and torso.

"The hell's the ruckus for?" Kankuro stepped down the stairs to see what was happening, with a little bounce in his steps.

"Um, uh. I don't know about you, but I feel very awkward and I don't exactly know what to do." Gaara said slowly. Gaara and Temari felt the tension that was building up in the air.

"…do we just stand here and _stare at that_?" Gaara hissed.

"I…well… we-" Temari stuttered.

Then the intruder _roared_. More like shriek very loudly, actually.

In an instant, Temari and Gaara sprinted up the stairs passed Kankuro - who followed suit very quickly when he saw the reason why.

"What the fuck was that?" Kankuro breathlessly said locking the doorknob as the siblings rushed inside the computer room.

"_Who _the heck was that, I think you meant to say."

"Oh sorry, Temari. _Who_ the fuck was that."

Temari glared at Kankuro with all her might, but failed to do so and rubbed her temples.

"Er, well he looked rather odd." Gaara mumbled.

"We can't just lounge in this small computer room, we need to do something!" Temari shrieked.

Kankuro strided towards the computer and sighed as he sat down on the computer chair.

"You really want to look at your porn at this time?" Temari snapped at Kankuro's direction. Kankuro rolled his eyes, "No, no. That takes place at ni-"

"I don't care when or where your disgusting porno time takes place, just what are you doing?"

"Researching." Kankuro said firmly. A few moments later he said, "Our lovely visitor is called… a zombie."

Gaara looked confused for a moment, but decided to play along. "Uh huh. Continue about this zombie?"

"Well, on this website it says a zombie can be killed when you shoot hot sauce in their brain. I think we have some Frank's RedHot Sauce in the kitchen…"

Temari narrowed her eyes. _**Hot sauce**_? Really, now?

"Is there any other way? Don't wanna see junk crawling out of their dead brains." Temari muttered.

Wobbly footsteps was then heard climbing up the stairs.

"That thing sure takes quite awhile to move…." Gaara snorted.

"We can use a chainsaw to cut its head off!"

"Kankuro, that's disgusting. No. Way."

Gaara walked over to the computer. "We can make it _eat _hot sauce. How about that, Temari?"

"I am not feeding a zombie, thank you very much."

At this, both Gaara and Kankuro sighed in exasperation.

"We can get water guns and fill it up with some hot sauce. Then we can run around the house as if we were part of a James Bond movie and try to destroy it."

Kankuro and Temari looked over at Gaara. "Oh, yeah you're right no that's kind of dumb."

Temari closed her eyes. "If hot sauce is the only way to solve this, then let's go down to the kitchen." she sighed.

"but… but the zombie's already here…" Kankuro whispered, but loud enough that Temari heard.

"Oh come _on_, Kankuro! Hear how slow the bastard's walking! We can take hi-"

"Yes, Temari. We can take a ten foot tall zombie what a really great plan." Gaara sneered.

"Maybe we can run down the corridor and then take it by surprise? Oh, I don't know. Try and knock it down, I guess…"

The Sand Siblings rushed down the corridor and stopped when the zombie was about to walk against the wall.

"Oh. Okay." The three said in unison. They still ran passed it with no difficulty (still very cautious that it might attack them!) and ran down the flight of stairs. Except for Kankuro who thought that jumping off of the railing made him look badass.

Gaara went to go get water guns from god knows where and returned with blue-green coloured ones. He handed each one to Temari and Kankuro. Kankuro was slamming each pantry open trying to find the hot sauce, but to no avail.

"So… er. We got no hot sauce." Kankuro sheepishly smiled. Gaara and Temari stayed silent. "Used all of it for jerkies."

"Jerky." Temari said making sure she heard right.

"Jerky." Kankuro repeated.

"GODDAMMIT, KANKURO. WHAT DO WE DO NOW. OH GOD OH GOD IT'S MAKING ITS WAY DOWN THE STAIRS LORD HELP US WHY DIDN'T WE JUST RUN OUTSIDE FOR HELP LOOK HOW PAINFULLY SLOW THAT ZOMBIE IS MOVING AND NOW WE CAN'T GO OUT BECAUSE IT'S MAKING ITSELF WALK TOWARDS US THANKS KANKURO."

"I got it." Gaara slapped his hands together. "Feed the zombie jerky." He said matter-of-factly.

"The hell are you waiting for?" Temari smacked a pan against Kankuro's head.

"What the shit, Temari!" Kankuro rubbed his head.

"Alright, where is it?" Gaara walked over to the open pantries and moved jars and cans around.

"I kept it in a Tupperware on the counter."

Gaara rushed back standing besides Kankuro and opened the container. "How exactly do we do this?"

"LET'S JUST THROW KANKURO'S CRAP JERKIES AT THE ZOMBIE AND HOPE THAT IT GETS IN ITS MOUTH!" Temari shouted determinedly, taking a handful of strips of jerky.

She began flinging it to the zombie, who was still walking wobbly.

"That's right, take _this_!" Kankuro threw his handful of jerky at the zombie's chest.

"Wow." Gaara muttered. He stood aside his older siblings and watched. And for a moment saw a flash of bubblegum pink behind a bush outside of their house.

Gaara narrowed his eyes.

"Stop! You guys are dirtying our zombie!" Ino stepped inside the house.

"Not now, freaking Ino! THERE'S A ZOMBIE IN MY HOUSE!"

Sakura, Naruto, Kiba, Hinata and just about the rest of the gang showed up.

Kiba held a controller in his hand. He pressed a button and stopped the zombie from its wobbling walking. The zombie slightly slouched.

"Happy… um, Halloween?" Sakura stuttered and laughed nervously.

The siblings stared in shock. Naruto began to laugh and so did everyone else.

"Oh." The Sand Siblings muttered.

"Halloween…um, yeah sure. Whatever that is." Gaara said.

"It's a controlled mechanism...thing. See?" Kiba waved his controller around.

"No wonder it walks stupid." Temari retorted.

Shikamaru spoke up, "Look, we just tried this for fun. And the reason why it was walking stupid was because Kiba couldn't see a damn thing while hiding behind the bush outside. You guys made it more difficult for him when you all hid upstairs."

"So why did you guys decide to waste meat?" Kiba bent down to pick up a small piece of dark, dried meat. He chewed on it, then threw the jerky on the ground. "I don't like jerky anymore." He pursed his lips.

"Excuse you, Kiba, but I make tasty jerkies." Kankuro took the last jerky out of the container in Temari's hand and chewed on it. "See? Yum." Kankuro made a sour face. He ripped of a paper towel and spat all of the jerky he was eating on it.

"Okay yeah you're right it's crap, Temari."

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><p><strong>End.**

I don't even know what to say right now. My imagination is just weird, init? ;D Thanks for reading! I know when the siblings walked downstairs they could have just ran outside to get away but ugh… too much work and crap. Besides, come to think of it, this is probably the longest fic I've ever written even though there's not a lot of action. Hehehehe.

And no, hot sauce can't kill zombies. LOL.


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